Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Pickles are Cucumbers Soaked in Evil

Wow what a rush. X-mas, New Years. Although my title has nothing to do with this post. Well one part but that's to come. Hope you all had a wonderful holiday time. Now I'm not going to post about all the wonderful (and not so wonderful/manicure set, tape measure..I got from a client at work) swag I got. I won't even post about my graduation/New Years party, because it went so well, that there is nothing much to say, other than it felt great to be DJ for the night again.

I will dear readers post about what I found this past year and this year to come is most important to me. My family and my friends and most importantly the most important person to me right now MTG. (I know some of you are rolling your eyes.) First of all I promise to make sure to keep up more fully with my family and friends. Mum, I'll call every two days instead of every three or four. (Though mum you have to give me bonus points for buying you the furniture you wanted) And I'll make sure to finally answer my friends emails and texts. That is if they are actually important. You can only read so many wacky forwarded emails and videos. So you can stop sending me that one "One Week of Food: Study" email, as I've gotten it about 12 different times. I ate like a pig these few weeks, so don't remind me daily.

But on to the most important thing for me. Yes I'm going to gush over MTG so if you don't like the mushy stuff leave now or be warned.

As I woke up this morning, I felt an odd sensation. I opened my eyes and realized that I was next to a person whom this past year has utterly changed my life completely. Looking at this sleeping person, her dark brown hair strewn across her face, the curve of her neck and shoulder blending seamlessly into the cover we were sharing, I couldn't help but feel amazed. Why you may ask? Well here is a snippet as to why.

December 24 - A mutual friend of ours X-mas party. Well more MTG's friend than mine but whatever.

We were invited to this party a few weeks before. However rushing to do things one does on X-mas eve, we arrived a little late. Having no idea who else was to be invited we both arrived without any pre-set plans on "if so and so is there, we do this signal to leave." (It's a long story) So of course as things would have it we arrive and the dinners already being served, and who should be there but a couple of people we would never want to see again. (Okay, I would never want to see again. Namely The-Ex and Arch-nemesis Supreme, now Mr. & Mrs. Arch-nemesis Supreme) And as things would have it the only seats at the table available were...yeah right next to them. Blast!!

MTG: Do you want me to sit by Arch-nemesis or The-Ex? (They were sitting across [in front] from each other as opposed from next to each other)

Me: Sit by Arch-nemesis, so I won't have to punch him.

MTG: Okay.

Now MTG met both of these people only once before. So to her...well you'll find out.

We sit down and I have my best faux smile on. The-Ex immediately starts talking to me. What I used to find charming I know see (as did most everyone else there, trust me I asked) as utter useless crap coming form her mouth. Unoriginal, dumb things, words floating in the air. I nodded and answered only when things seemed appropriate to, making conversation with others around me.

The-Ex: Can you believe Arch-nemesis and I have been married for over 2 years now?

Me: Wow really? That long? (Thinking after I spoke..Nuts!! I should've kept my mouth shut)

The-Ex: Yeah we have. (Reaching across the table and grabbing Arch-nemesis hand) You remember the wedding don't you?

Me: No I don't. I didn't go remember. (At this point even our host was thinking this was utter crap. Yes, he told me so later.)

The-Ex: Oh yeah.

Now you're probably wondering why up to this point why Arch-nemesis hasn't said anything yet. Well it's because he's a kid. Okay not a kid but The-Ex is 32...he is 24. He has nothing intelligent to say. If you talked to him you would see this right away. It's always about him and how he looks and what he wants is the depth of his conversation. (Which is not why he's Arch-nemesis Supreme, that's a story for another time) However this age difference was exploited to MTG's advantage as The-Ex was trying to make me jealous and I was starting to cringe.

MTG to Arch-nemesis: Hey, Christmas in Hollis, I love this song. (MTG throwing her hands in the air and most of the table singing to the song.)

MTG to Arch-nemesis: Hey remember when this song came out on MTV? With that funky looking elf guy at the beginning? That was what, in 1987?

Arch-nemesis: Uh...yeah

MTG: You know when he's pressing the Simon. You remember the Simon right?

Arch-nemesis: Yeah, kinda sorta. I don't think we had that in school.

MTG: What do you mean, in school? How old are you?

Arch-nemesis: 24

MTG: Oh..you were just a baby still. That's okay, the Simon is like Guitar Hero, you just hit the buttons in the same order/colour that appears.

Arch-nemesis: Oh..okay...yeah.

The-Ex looking for a way to change the subject, picks up a pickle from her salad and says, "Pickles are cucumbers soaked in evil. Why do they make these pickles so small?"

MTG: Well some people like "young" things I guess, instead of finding a pickle more mature.

Ex looking like someone just dumped iced water on her was frozen. I did my best to keep myself from laughing as did a few others.

The night progressed and we did our best to avoid Mr. and Mrs. Arch-nemesis for the rest of the night. Then for whatever reason our hosts' Ipod flipped from X-mas music to regular music. Otis Redding's "Dreams to Remember". And MTG wanted to dance to it. So we danced, close and slow. MTG moving us right underneath the mistletoe which happened to be a few feet away from Mr. and Mrs. Arch-nemesis. So well you know what you do when under the mistletoe.

So we left right after that. Well almost right after, our host giving us a ton of extra food to take home. Which reminds me I must clean the ice-box tomorrow and throw a bunch of that stuff away.

I replayed that night in my mind this morning laying in bed next to her. MTG's eyes now opened looking back at me.

Me: Did I thank you for the other night?

MTG: What?

Me: At the party.

MTG: Which one?

Me: Never mind.

MTG moves right next to me, both of us staring at the ceiling fan go around in circles.

MTG: Instead of boxing up the mistletoe, maybe we should hang it over the bed all year.

Me: Good idea.

2 comments:

Beth said...

I love MTG. She's the coolest. She must be; she landed you!

Artful Dodger said...

She's wonderful. ^_^