So it's official. I'm having surgery. When? I'm not sure yet but probably this coming week. It all depends on when my surgeon can schedule me in at the hospital. Hopefully it'll be an in and out thing, unless they find some other major issue to have to split me completely open. But looking at my ultra-sound results he didn't seem to think that would be an issue.
So here I sit typing away looking at the clock. MTG isn't here tonight. I actually spent the last couple of nights at my parents house at the bequest of my parents. Although I had to come home today. I can only take watching so much TVLand with my father and then switching to CourtTV for Cops re-runs. And of course the 9 o'clock bedtime too. But still it's nice to have your parents doting on you. Well, not really but at least their there.
MTG has been doting on me though. But not today. Tomorrow her dad goes in to the hospital to have a stint put into his heart. This is the prelude to the open heart surgery he has yet to have scheduled. But it won't be that far away now. But I don't mind when its your parents you have to stay home to help.
However sitting here watching television. (I am actually watching the telle. I never watch the telle. OMG what utter crap is on. Honestly how can one watch these shows?) While spacing out on my pills, it occurs to me. I gave someone today the go ahead to cut me open and take parts of me out. Someone is literally going to put things inside of me. Do truly trust this person? Maybe? This doctor did to a great job of taking out my tumors a few years back. But a icky sinking feeling is coming over me, and I actually feel scared. Of what I'm not sure, but I do. This is a complete 360 from how I felt earlier today, when talking to the surgeon. Take it out? No problem, go ahead. Telling my dad ever so casually that I was going to have surgery. Telling MTG. But now, now I'm not so sure.
Not that I'm not going to go through with it. I am, knowing that I will feel so much better afterwards but still. Still there just that little inkling of uncertainty that creeps ever so slowing and softly on me.
I should get some rest now. I'll need it since I'll probably be in the waiting room with MTG all day tomorrow.
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3 comments:
Will the surgeon actually cut into you? My sister's gall bladder was removed with laparoscopy, so she just had a few small holes in her abdomen.
I'll be thinking about and praying for you, AD. Keep us posted.
Modern science never ceases to amaze me. That removing an organ can be an in and out thing.
You'd be strange if you weren't a little bit worried, it's kind of a scary thing. But I spent years working for doctors and most of them are really great people, and really good at what they do.
I'll be thinking of you, I hope everything goes smoothly and they put you on the road to recovery as quick as possible.
may you have a fast recovery!
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