Sunday, November 04, 2007

It's 4 o'clock in the morning and its starting to let light

So far the pain from the incisions hasn't been too unbearable. However last night was the second night that cost me sleep because of the pain. And its not pain that hurts and is killing you. It's annoying pain that makes you so uncomfortable but there's nothing you can do about it.

I went to bed around 11 pm last night. I took my pain meds before hand. At first they worked and I slept for about an hour. Then I woke up, and was wide awake. Now in order for me to sleep, I have to sleep laying on my belly, which is pretty much impossible for me to do right now. I cannot sleep on my back AT ALL. I feel so off and it just...I can't get comfortable. On my side is ok, but only for a little while, then I end up on my belly. Unfortunately I already pulled off a terry-strip by rolling over on to my belly. It hurt like hell, and took off a chunk of skin too.

So there I am laying awake. I try to close my eyes as I sleep on my back watching the ceiling fan blades turn around in the dim light of the night. MTG is sound asleep besides me. I try not to move and disturb her. I first slowly turn to my left side, doesn't work. Then to my right, nothing. I move back on my back again. I'm so uncomfortable. The two big incisions are hurting now as I'm moving my mid-section so much. I pop another pill as the pain builds. I fall asleep for about 30 mins after doing so but then have a bad dream and wake up again. The only thing I hate about the pills they give me are the bad dreams. Not nightmares, just bad dreams. When I wake up from my dream I'm on my back again, and I'm uncomfortable. MTG rolls over towards me in her sleep and puts one of her legs between mine and wraps it tight. Now I can't move at all. I stay on my back for another hour falling in and out of sleep. Waking up to bad and weird dreams. Finally MTG moves enough for me to sit up in bed. I turn around to make sure I didn't disturb her. I put on a robe she bought me to walk around the house in and head downstairs.

I turn on the night light above the stove for just a little light. I pour myself a 7-Up and take a seat on the couch. The cool leather feels wonderful on my legs. For some reason I'm extra hot too, though not running a fever or anything. I sit in the dim light drinking my 7-Up. It's now 2:30 am with the time change. I get up and move across the room and turn on the lap by the stereo. I fiddle with some CD's and find a Thelonious Monk Live in Paris CD and pop it in. I put on my huge DJ head-phones with the cord far enough to reach the kitchen. I listen as he plays "Round Midnight" and "Blue Monk" as well as some of Duke Ellington's work. The music helps calm me but I still can't sleep.

Around 2:45 am MTG comes downstairs. She doesn't turn any lights on or anything. She pours herself some water and sits next to me on the couch. I'm still wearing my headphones. She notices that they are on and gets up and unplugs them from the stereo, first lowering the volume. She then comes over to me and takes them off my head, and gives me a kiss, her lips and breath cool from her water. She straightens my hair a little and then snuggles next to me. We listen as Monk plays the piano and the band improvise notes. The only time you hear the crowd is at the end of one of his sets when they applaud.

I finish my 7-Up and drink MTG's water too. She's already fallen asleep with her head on my shoulder. I listen to Monk and look out the french doors to the courtyard with plants. The plants are a new thing MTG as done to my place. Her parents giving me a giant potted lime tree that now sits in my courtyard, along with the other plants and life that MTG has brought in with her. From the couch I can make out a few small limes in the dim night light. The courtyard has a blueish tinge to it that seems comforting. I look at the clock and realize its now 4 am. The CD finishes and the player flips to the next disc in queue, Sarah McLachlan's "Surfacing" comes on. I listen to "Building a Mystery" and make it half way through "I Love You" before I finally fall asleep.

When I wake up it's 11 am. MTG is still asleep on my shoulder. The stereo is now playing Josh Groban's "Closer" CD. It's softly playing track 5, "When You Say You Love Me". I can now clearly see all the little limes on the tree in the courtyard. MTG stirs awake when I look outside. We finish listening to the song and don't get up until its over.

1 comment:

gizmorox said...

I'm sorry you can't sleep, but that was a really nice post. It sounds so peaceful. I'm glad you're recovering well.