Sunday, June 01, 2008

So what are you waiting for?

Yay, finally back home. I'd bore you with all the wedding details but that's not me. MTG can handle that if she so desires. Very jet-lagged and really p.o'ed at my stupid laptop. Vista sucks, it's turning my word docs into unreadable formats,and it seemed to have erased or changed the format and saved the wedding/vacation/honeymoon pics in some unfindable place. Vista I hate you. Fortunately MTG has a back up on her trusty XP. Damn you Windows I will have revenge.

Anyways, today I got my first real feel for what this marriage business is all about. Things have been rosey but now I understand what dad and grandpa and every other male relative and married friend meant by being patient and understanding.

After coming home and finding rotting fruit, expired milk, moldy bread, and a slew of other perishables, that had perished, we went to the grocery store. Not that we've never gone together before but this time I learned something, I mean really learned something.

We had our list and were going down the isles. Me pushing the cart and MTG grabbing this and that. Asking me which do I prefer. Which I find funny as when I used to go with my mum as a kid, it was never, "Which do you prefer?" No, no, it was. "Grab the generic brand!" (Back then generic was this white plain package with no pictures or colour, just like "POTATO CHIPS" in black bold letters.) And my complaining, "Why can't we get real chips?" solicited the response, "You'll get what I feed you." Thusly I feel spoiled when MTG asks me which brand of a certain item I prefer. To be honest I'm used to generic, but I'm easy that way.

So anyways we get most our items and head to the register. We pass the pharmacy and on the way and MTG stops. "I forgot to get shampoo. Wait for me here." No problem, the shampoo and soaps are just a few isles over. I see MTG take off in that direction.

About 15 minutes pass and I'm standing by the pharmacy still. I try to act cool, but its hard as I'm left standing by the condoms, adult lube, and deodorant. I'd reach over to act like I'm reading the ingredients of some vitamins but they are no where near by, so I'm left staring at the brightly coloured condom boxes marked, ribbed, small, medium, large, and oddly enough this store carries flavoured condoms too. So I stand there feeling like a perv. About 5 minutes later I'm joined by and elderly gentleman and a middle aged man. Apparently this is a popular spot to leave your spouse, whilst a wife goes and get things she 'forgot'.

The two other gentlemen sit down opposite the isle on the pharmacy waiting seats. I start getting annoyed. I take out my mobile and call MTG. Her mobile rings in her purse which is still in the basket that I'm watching. 'Damn it" I mutter to myself. The two men chuckle. I think about going and trying to find her but then think that if I leave the spot she told me then she'd go looking for me and we'd be staying even longer. I think it best to keep staring at the condoms. I can't help to think that it was my older brother who taught me about condoms and not my dad. And how his advice to me was, "Don't get XL. Medium or Large will do. XL are for porn stars with horse dicks." This information was much more poignant than my dad's talk about sex which went like, "You know about sex right?" I respond, "Yes, don't right now." To which dad replied, "Glad we had this talk."

The older gentleman finally tells me, "You might as well sit down, she'll be a while longer." I smile and take his advice. My legs are getting sore from standing in the same spot for nearly 40 minutes. My hands have the store logo imprinted on them from leaning on the basket.

The middle-aged gentleman asked, "Just married?" "Yes," I reply softly, "Barely a month." "This'll happen all the time," the older man says. "You mean, just leaving me here while she goes and gets something?" I reply. They both answer together, "Yup."

The older gentleman, gets up and fishes a bag of cookies from his basket. He sits back down and opens them up, taking one out and offering the other gentleman and I some. I accept, quickly munching down the Mother's Frosted Animal Shortbread cookies. I remind myself to pick some up before we leave...when we leave.

"60" years says the older gentleman. "34" says the other. "3 weeks," I mutter. They both laugh. "You'll figure it out" the middle-aged man says, the older nodding his head in agreement. I'm told about their wives and kids while we wait, being given pearls of wisdom. Before long the middle-aged gentleman's wife comes to collect him. MTG and the older gentleman's wife happen to come back at the same time. "Just remember to get something to snack on while you wait", the older gentleman tells me while we part. "I will" I reply.

MTG: "Who's that?"

Me: "Just a nice man I met while waiting for you."

"Oh. Sorry I took so long. I found some nice pants for your nephew while on my way to the shampoo. And then this was on sale.....blah, blah,blah" I nod my head while she talks not really taking it in.

Me: "Can we get some animal cookies before we go?

MTG:"Yeah okay."


BeckEye said...

shit, I almost forgot! Congratulations, married dude!

gizmorox said...

Hah. Ah, life lessons at the grocery store. Welcome home, you crazy kids :)

Artful Dodger said...

Beckeye: Thanks ^_^

Gizmo:Good to be home. Though your offer to go pick up the kitten intrigues me so.

gizmorox said...

Come get her! It'll be like a mini second honeymoon. There's beach and kitties, it's a great place :)

6th Floor blog said...

I think the trick is to follow them around. "oh, I'll come with you!"

Then they know you're standing there bored and silently think they're crazy and lets go already and speed things up.