MTG Update...Mix Tape Begins...

Well everything turned out as best as can be after the accident. No one was injured. Here's what happened. I was on the frontage road on the way home. There is a on ramp from another main road to the frontage road, but I have the right of way. Unfortunately there is also another on ramp from the frontage road to the highway in just about the same spot. So people cut across really fast from the on ramp, across the frontage road to the on ramp to the highway. They rarely ever yield, they just hit the gas and cut across traffic. Well that's what happened to me. I was hit by a truck in the rear of my car as he didn't yield and took off half my rear fender. But to make things worse, he pulls up besides me and tells me to pull up into the parking lot of the mall that's there. I turn into the parking lot and he hits the gas and gets on the on ramp to the highway. Son of a b#$ch!!! It was a hit and run and I didn't even get his license plate. Bastard!! Needless to say it ruined my week. Mix Tape Boy (AD) has been extra good to me though. (Thank you again for the flowers you sent to me at work. Je t'aime, mon amour.) My car is running fine other then the gigantic half ripped off rear fender. I've been pouting all weekend. So I'm making me a new mix. Here's the start of it.

Everything But the Girl VS Noel Sanger : Wrong Perfection

The Airborne Toxic Event: Sometime Around Midnight

Stars: Take Me To the Riot

Shiny Toy Guns: Don't Cry Out

The Cinematic Orchestra : All That You Give

The National: Mistaken For Strangers

The Mary Onettes: Explosions

The Russian Futurists: Precious Metals

The Beta Band: Dry The Rain

Stevie Wonder: I Believe (When I Fall in Love It Will Be Forever)

Oh and I'm so sorry if the links don't work. I have no idea how to do this so if they don't work, truly I am sorry. I think I got it right. But if their wrong...yell at Mix Tape Boy, I've had enough stress lately.

Mmmmm..Friday

I don't understand.  How can a cream with the consistency of Noxema taste so damn good.  When's this day going to be over?  I'm freaking hungry!!!!

Guess what...

So I'm making a new mix tape waiting for MTG to get home. And I get the one of those messages that you just don't want to get.

MTG Text: In accident. Waiting for Cops, be home late.

I call..and am told that she'll call back.

Crap and a half.

Crazy 8's

The meme bug bit me again. Having being tagged by the splendidly wonder Beth over at A Cup of Coffey. So the game is Crazy 8's. Now it's usually just one person answering this but seeing as my blog now is joint custody of Mix Tape Girl and myself, we'll do four of each to complete the whole eight of each section. Yes the answers are lame. Enjoy.

8 Things I'm Passionate About

AD's
1. Mix Tape Girl
2. Getting more stamps on my passport
3. My family
4. Music

MTG's

1. Mix Tape Boy (Which is what I call AD)
2. Running
3. Shoes
4. My friends & family

8 Things I want to do before I die.

AD's
1. DJ a mix tape and have it printed and sold.
2. Go back to Japan.
3. Go back to the Amalfi Coast.
4. Take over the world

MTG's

1. Simply create the perfect mix tape that can be listened to time and again without getting bored of it.
2. Buy a pair of shoes from every continent.
3. See the Aurora Borealis
4. boob job...just kidding, couldn't resist

8 Things I Often Say

AD's
1. Que que?
2. For real..
3. Yes that looks good, lets go.
4. This is true

MTG's

1. Bai...(when ending phone conversations, MTB brought this to my attention)
2. I love you
3. Crap and a half
4. Don't make me....

8 Books I've Read Recently

AD's
1. Love Is a Mix Tape
2. Spellman Files
3. Robinson Crusoe
4. Then We Came To the End

MTG's

1. Among Other Things I've Taken Up Smoking
2. Peyton Amberg
3. Ludmila's Broken English
4. Song Book

8 Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over

AD's
1. Amos the Transparent "After all that it's come to this"
2. Olive "You're not alone"
3. Dido "See the Sun" plus the unnamed bonus tract that makes me melt
4. Primitive Radio Gods "Standing out side a broken phone booth with money in my hand"

MTG's

1. Minipop "Someone to Love"
2. David Bowie "Life on Mars"
3. Phantom of the Opera "All I Ask of You"
4. Mario Frangoulis "Knights In White Satin"

8 Things That Attract Me to My Best Friends

AD's
1. Sense of nerdiness
2. Sense of humor
3. Courageousness
4. Loyalty

MTG's

1. Loyalty
2. I love how some insanely jabber on and get overly excited about little things
3. They put up with my dorky observations
4. Sense of shoe styles

8 Things That Drive Me Crazy

AD's
1. When someone leaves the toilet seat up. (Grrrrr...put it down when you're done)
2. Mayonnaise on turkey (utterly disgusting)
3. When "someone" (MTG) leaves time on the microwave
4. Daylight savings time

MTG's

1. MTB leaving sticky notes on the microwave that says "Clear time when done"
2. People texting on their cell's when your talking to them
3. The Geico lizard
4. Spam mail

8 People I Think Should Go All Crazy 8's On Us

I don't think we have 8 people that regularly read this blog, that haven't already done thing. If you read this regularly and want to do it feel free.

See told ya the answers would be lame.

Be Back Later

We were going to post our crazy 8's meme. But there is a live band right outside our bedroom and our neighbors invited us over. Dancing shoes are on and time to go boogie.

MTG's Thursday Mix

The Airborne Toxic Event - The Girls In Their Summer Dresses
The Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime After Midnight - (Seriously crushing on this song, on continuous playback)
Fats Domino - I'm In Love Again
Muddy Waters - Diamonds at Your Feet
Jeff Beck - A Day in the Life
Tony Jackson & The Vibrations - Bye Bye Baby
Faces - Flying
Orba Squora - Perfect Thing
The Kills - Black Balloon
Editors - Blood
Mostly Bears - The Digital Divide
Radiohead - Street Spirit
Archie Bronson Outfit - Cherry Lips
The Blakes - Don't Bother Me
Digital Underground - Humpty Dance
Road to Predition (Soundtract) - Ghosts
Bodies of Water - I Guess We'll Forget the Sound, I Guess, I Guess
Bodies of Water - Doves Circle the Sky
Buzzcocks - Orgasm Addict
Cold War Kids - Hang Me Up to Dry
Young Galaxy -  The Golden Coin
Lightspeed Champion - Midnight Surprise
Duffy - Mercy
Cranberries - Salvation
Sufjan Stevens - The Avalanche
Bell X1 - Flame
Chromeo - Call Me Up (Kill the Noise Remix)
Devendra Banhart - Seahorse
Espers - Mansfield And Cyclops
Fairport Convention - She Moves Through the Fair
Fern Knight - Sun Dew
Joseph Arthur - Honey and the Moon
Lavender Diamond - You Broke My Heart
The Mamas & The Papas - California Dreamin'
Reademacher - If You Got Some Magic
Shout Out Louds - Very Loud
Soundpool - Pleasure & Pain
Soundpool - The Divides of March
Soundpool - Lush (What Becomes You)
Glass Candy - Computer Love
Alicia Keys - If I Was Your Woman
Alicia Keys - Diary
Amos the Transparent - The Stale Scent of Old Beer
Amy Winehouse - He Can Only Hold Her
Mark Ronson feat Amy Winehouse - Valerie
Mark Ronson - Stop Me
Mark Ronson feat Lilly Allen - Oh My God
Feist- -My Moon My Man ( Boys Noise Classic Mix)
The Beatles - Baby You're a Rich Man
Beth Orton - This One's Gonna Bruise
The Cure - Close to Me (Closet Mix)
The Delfonics -  La La (Means I Love You)
Midnight Juggernauts - Road to Recovery (Miami Horror Remix)
Calvin Harris - Merrymaking At My Place (Kissy Sell Out Remix)

100 Things

I've taken the Gizmorox challenge over at My Head is a Box Filled With Nothing. It took me forever but here it goes. Next---working on crazy 8's.

List 100 Amazing Things You've Already Done in your life. They don't have to be great achievements, though they can be. They just have to be things you deem amazing, original, worthy, or worth remembering.

1. I asked MTG to marry me and she said yes.

2. Went to 12 different schools growing up and came out as normal as can be, thankfully.

3. I do graffiti stickers. As in draw them, and make stickers out of them.

4. I DJ parties from time to time.

5. I’ve read every single Nick Hornby book there is.

6. I’ve driven along the cliff hugging roads of the Amalfi Coast and felt very proud of myself. Until an 80 year old guy in a moped passed me, played chicken with a bus and won.

7. First in my immediate family to go to NYC, and all by my lonesome.

8. I learned how to build a slot machine when I was in high school. And won first place in state competition for it for the VICA.

9. I’ve touched both the Atlantic and Pacific from both sides. As in East and West of each.

10. I won an art scholarship in school. (Sadly I never used it)

11. I was loan sharking by age 12.

12. Took a 20 foot drop when I was a kid and nothing happened.

13. I’ve been to the Takato Cherry Blossom Festival in Japan.

14. Been to S. Korea. Not as nice as Japan.

15. I found the Prada outlet store in Tuscany.

16. I have an ascot. Not that I’ve ever worn it but I do have one.

17. I have once drank a bottle of Seagram’s Purple Dragon in my car at work during lunch, and nothing happened. (I will never work in a call center ever again. I see the whole customer service industry in a whole new light now.)

18. I saw Jurassic Park 5 times in a row, at the theater when it first came out. (I’m a dinosaur freak.)

19. My friend told me that I once saved her life. All I did was stop this creepo from pulling her into his car while she was walking down the street. I just happened to be walking towards her at the same time. I wouldn’t call it bravery or anything. I just did what had to be done.

20. I’ve read and listened to Love is a Mix Tape about 12 times thus far. I’m listening to it on audio at work again. It should be 13 times by the times this is over.

21. I’ve been in a helicopter tour of NYC. That was fun.

22. I’ve stayed up all night talking over drinks debating if hip-hop has become unbearable or just predictable. And we came to this conclusion: It’s possible to become obnoxious and boring at the same time.

23. I admit, I do have a small but inclusive section of “World Music” in my collection.

24. I’ve taken and completed Salsa dance classes.

25. I can drive standard. Not just cars, but big trucks.

26. I can’t really play an instrument, but I can play Depeche Mode’s: Enjoy the Silence, Van Halen: Jump, and Gigi D’Agostino: I’ll Fly with You, on the keyboard.

27. I’ve had a the over the shoulder harness on a roller coaster break and come off me while going on the loop on the ride and lived to tell about it. Damn you Sea World!

28. I successfully made bookshelves for my house and they look nice and everything. Thanks Norm Abram’s how to books.

29. I won first place in regional dairy judging when for a brief time I lived in the sticks and was forced into the FFA (Future Farmers of America) at school.

30. Yes I can dance disco. There I admit it.

31. I successfully sat through four of the seven years of the movie 7 Years in Tibet.

32. Lemme put it this way. Everything they say about Cuban cigars…it’s true so true.

33. I’ve gotten through 33 of 100 of these meme’s. Damn.

34. I was able to talk airport security out of arresting my friend when he stupidly took a picture of my other friend while he was being randomly searched. Apparently that’s a huge no, no.

35. I won employee of the month about two jobs back. The ceremony sucked. We were in a huge hotel hall with EVERYONE there and they called my name and guess what, my picture came up on this gigantic screen. I repeat a GIGANTIC screen. My face on a GIGANTIC SCREEN. Not the best picture, I looked like I had just been arrested from a night on the town. But I’m still proud I won. Even though my picture looked bad, the one they got of my brother (we worked in the same place) was even more hilarious. Good times.

36. I’ve seen Phantom of the Opera for about the 12^th time.

37. I managed (how I dunno) to have bought and paid for 2 new vehicles before the age of 25.

38. I’m proud of my Ikea art in my living room.

39. I sang In Deep’s: Last Night a DJ Saved My Life at karaoke on a competition on a cruise I went on and went to the next round. I was beat on the next round by some obnoxious lady singing New York, New York. Fortunately she was beat by some older gentleman’s rendition of Engelbert Humberdinck’s “After the Lovin’”

40. I can write with both hands equally well.

41. I manage to read every single magazine that I subscribe to every month. Cover to cover. I subscribe to about 5.

42. I can bake one hell of a cheesecake.

43. I had a small part in a homemade R.E.M. video that my brother and my cousins put together. They did a video to “Losing My Religion”, I played a janitor for some reason. I pray this video never sees the light of day on Youtube. Though it did make it on a public access channel.

44. I learned French.

45. Graduated from college for the above.

46. I finished college without ever taking out a student loan and no financial help from anyone.

47. I saved my cat from drowning when she was a tiny kitten. She’s been with me ever since. Though she now lives with my folks, as she wasn’t having anything to do with moving with me. Stuck up cat.

48. I learned how to handle fire arms at a really young age (8) and am one hell of a shot.

49. You know those guys who hold the camera cables for the big cameras on the side lines of football games? Yeah I did that too.

50. I have won free sodas from under bottle caps, several times.

51. I’ve actually told someone what was on my mind and said it exactly the way I wanted to say it at least once.

52. I made it through the ghetto on St. Maarten, after accidentally wandering into it.

53. Parasailing, so much fun.

54. I’ve watched the sunset and sunrise from a boat in the middle of the Atlantic

55. I’ve swam with dolphins in South Padre

56. I’ve meet Aretha Franklin.

57. Also Tony Bennett

58. And just about every single player who’s been on the Spurs roster. They all seem to shop at the Best Buy by work for some reason.

59. I have driven a $250,000.00 dollar car. And I understand now why people who drive those kinds of cars do so.

60. I have survived three surgeries thus far.

61. I’ve gotten to 61, damn my answers are running thin.

62. I now own 2 laptops.

63. I’ve been to Florida, if that counts. Going again in August.

64. My senior year of High School I got nothing but straight A’s the entire year. To be fair all I had was electives all year long.

65. I learned how to weld.

66. I’ve hog-tided and branded cattle. Castrated some too.

67. I’ve gone scuba diving and swam next to a whale shark in the Mediterranean.

68. I have seen Daft Punk in concert and danced to Around the World.

69. I saw the Chemical Brothers in concert too, but back when they were originally called the Dust Brothers.

70. I successful came up with a last minute speech in college for my English course after forgetting about the homework. I stood up in class with a bunch of pieces of blank paper and rattled a thesis out about how TV affects learning in kids. I got an A-.

71. I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to meet Mel Brooks.

72. Don Rickles too.

73. I took a mixology class. I may not make a great bartender, but I can make some mighty fine drinks.

74. I own at last download over 30,000 mp3’s.

75. Alternately I own at least well over 800 CD’s.

The last 25 will be done by MTG

76. I’ve been to Poland.

77. Survived the craziness in NYC last year when the steam pipe blew up the street.

78. I’ve been to Chile.

79. I wear clear plastic pumps that light up on Fridays, and am damn proud of it. My happy shoes.

80. I’ve successfully commandeered two of A.D.’s three bedroom closets. Honestly how does someone end up with 3 large walk-in bedroom closets? I put them to good use.

81. I visited the Grand Canyon all by myself and took a donkey ride to the bottom.

82. Watched the sunset in St. Thomas V.I.

83. I grew up, with six other sisters. I should get a metal for that or something.

84. AD said this but I can drive standard too.

85. I don’t know what to say…uhm…they’re all natural.

86. I always get complements on my signing voice.

87. I must own at least 60 or so pairs of shoes. Which I so totally have room for now with AD’s extra closet space.

88. I have sewn at least two full dresses for myself which I do wear.

89. I can change my own oil. I never do, but I do know how.

90. I take it as a complement even though its weird, but I get complements on my feet, a lot. AD thinks this is odd, though he says they are cute.

91. The “test” was negative. AD posted about this a while back. Not that I wouldn’t have been happy with a positive, but we’re not quite ready for that yet.

92. I have thrown my bra at the stage of a particular concert. (You should’ve seen AD’s face when I said that)

93. I have written a nasty gram on someone’s windshield with my red lipstick. What can I say, they were asking for it.

94. I can do a ten minute mile.

95. I do the breast cancer run every year.

96. I have the most rockin’ red dress ever. That and the black one are major necessities of a woman’s wardrobe.

97. I speak English, French, and Spanish.

98. I’ve ran on the beach in California and watched the sun come up.

99. Almost done.

100. I said "YES" when AD asked me.

I won't tag anyone with this monster meme. But if you should so feel inclined, help yourself to it. I'll read your answers.

Today's Playlist---Thus Far by MTG

Acid House Kings - This Heart is a Stone
Sloan - Underwhelmed
Jim Cuddy Band - Five Days In May
The Thrills - Nothing Changes Around Here
The Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight
The Blakes - Don't Bother Me
The National - Mistaken for Strangers
Muddy Waters - Rollin' Stone
The Quik - Bert's Apple Crumble
Alan Price - I Put a Spell on You
Beach Boys - Heroes & Villains
Michael Jackson - Pretty Young Thing
Elmore James - Dust My Broom
Gene Vincent - Woman Love
Jimmy Reed - Aw Shucks, Hush Your Mouth
Curtis Mayfield & The Impressions - I'm So Proud
The Cranberries - Linger
Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence
Gwen Stefani - Cool
+/- - Fadeout
The Ponys - 1209 Seminary
Just Jack - Glory Days
R Kelly - Ignition Remix
Notorious BIG - F*#k You Tonight
Phantom of the Opera - Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again
ABBA - Mamma Mia
Badly Drawn Boy - A Minor Incident
Beatles - While My Guitar Gently Weeps
Belanova - Toma Mi Mano
Polkadot Cadaver - Cholorform Girl
Corinne Bailey Rae - Till It Happens to You
David Bowie - Life on Mars?
Frank Sinatra - Come Fly With Me
James Taylor - Fire and Rain
Jamiroquai - Feel So Good
Jennifer Manasseri - Memory
Kanye West - Stronger
Keane - Bedshapped
Kenny Chesney - There Goes My Life
Kenny Chesney - I'm On Fire
Kenny Chesney - Please Come to Boston
Limahl - Neverending Story
Lamb - Gabriel (Neele Hopper Mix)
Mark Morrison - Return of the Mack
The Mary Onettes - Explosions
Ottis Redding - I've Got Dreams to Remember
Metallica - Whiskey in the Jar
Minipop - Someone to Love
Minipop - Like I Do
The Muppets - Mahna Mahna/Lullaby of Birdland
The Muppets - Rainbow Connection
Nat King Cole - Unforgettable
Nelly Furtado - Man Eater
Nelly Furtado - Showtime
Nelly Furtado - All Good Things
Tito & Tarantula - Strange Face of Love
13th Floor Elevators - You're Gonna Miss Me
The Beta Band - Dry the Rain
Paul McCartney - Dance Tonight
Paul Van Dyk - Together We Will Conquer
Paul Van Dyk - White Lies
Sipping Soma - Superconcious (So Alive)
Peter Bjorn and John - Objects of My Affection

Hmmm..will post more later.

I see you - Shout outs

Wow I bothered to check my ClustrMap at the bottom of my page. I totally forgot about that thingy. I'm impressed, people like me or something. So I wanted to say hello to you all. Most of you are from the states but I see one small speck over off in China. "Hello to you" I'm glad you got past the government censors to see my lame blog. I know one person in Australia and I don't even know if he still reads this thing. But if you do "Hey Jase". To the other 4 specks down under, "Hey" as well. And that looks like Indonesia but I can't tell but "Hi" to you too.

Hmm...it also looks like a have a reader or two in Chile. Hello to you. A few in Argentina. Hello to you also. Ohh..Brazil too. Most awesome. Though I should really say "Hola" to you guys. That goes for you too in Columbia and Mexico.

To the people reading my blog in Saudi Arabia, hello as well. I wonder if you have a laptop and am reading this under the stars out there from a tent. Or you in some modern city and I have this crazy Lawrence of Arabia thing going on here.

Hmmm...it looks like I have a decent reader or number of readers in the UK and Ireland. So "Hi" to you too. And to my readers in the rest of Europe who probably came across my page by accident, "Thanks for stopping by too."

And to those of you here in the States, and Canada, my biggest readers thanks too. I've updated my Cool Peeps section to include blogs I regularly...okay..try to regularly read. Sorry if I read your posts but never comment. I am a shy creature by nature after all, and fear my comments wouldn't be worth your time. But I can be tempted to talk with a cookie now and again. Holy crap!! That reminds me my cookies should be just about ready. Who wants Chocolate Chip cookies?? Yay!!!

Crap!! Where's my sugar??!!

Dammit!!  I ran out of Pop-Tarts!!!  The box in my desk is empty!! No no NOOOOOO!!!!

Long Kiss Goodnight

The clock on the stereo turns another minute forward. It illuminates the bedroom a pale shade of blue. After a while my eyes get adjusted and I see everything in the room bathed in blue eerie light. I check to make sure the alarm is set on the stereo yet again. I've gotten up late for the past few days, shown up for work late. And quiet frankly I could care less.

I turn my head as MTG turns over next to me. She was sleeping, but now she's opened her eyes and is looking at me puzzled.

MTG: You okay? (she says softly, barely audible)

Me: Yes (I whisper back)

I'm sitting up in bed, leaning against the headboard. I took my earphones off as music is not helping my sleep. I watch as another minute ticks by and leaves forever on the stereo clock.

MTG: Don't forget to wake up in the morning, or you'll be late again.

Me: I know.

MTG: What's wrong?

Me: You know when you think about work and how you just get in a funk and are tired of doing what you do and suddenly have no ambition to be there anymore?

MTG: yeah

Me: That's me right now. I literally forced myself to go to work today. I went did my job and was bored the entire time. And I didn't care that I showed up late for the 2nd day in a row.

MTG: Be careful there. It's just a funk. I don't want to go to work tomorrow, no one really does. But we have to.

Me: Let's just stay here like a couple of hermits for a day or two.

MTG pulls me back down into bed from my sitting position. She runs her hands through my hair, it always calms me down.

MTG: I wish we could too.

MTG kisses me and I can't help but taste the cinnamon on her breath from her tooth-paste. She falls back asleep. I stare at the ceiling fan making shadows of the blue light from the stereo. I'll try to get up early tomorrow and smile at work. Lest I am again asked all day if "I'm okay".

One of those days...

You know it's one of those days when the only music you can listen to that works is Beth Orton & Cat Power.  That and getting up 10 minutes till its time to be at work, and when you're here having everyone stop and ask you if "you're ok."  FYI, I'm okay....I think. >:P

Ezekiel 25:17 - NSFW

(Just a warning ladies and gents. Beaucoup, muchos, a whole hell of a lot of explicatives. I'm ranting here. Just be warned.)

I'd say that I'm a cool laid back kind of guy. Most people that know me, wouldn't think that I'd hurt a fly. It takes a hell of a lot to tick me off enough to where I'd seriously consider fucking somebody up. I was pushed to that limit this weekend. Fortunately I didn't have to fuck somebody up. Though I still don't think he got the picture...dumb motherfucker.

So here it goes. MTG and myself were invited to a friend of ours apartment for a small party. And I will say that my confrontation wasn't with our most gracious host. He was awesome, even cooked two damn pies. I call him the man, he's so awesome.

No, no, my beef was with an idiot acquaintance of mine, and semi-friend to MTG. She's known him longer than I have, and he's got issues. As in currently drinking issues among many others. I shall from here on out call him "Dumb Motherfucker With Issues" (DMFWI for short). Now don't get me wrong, he's smart, smart as a whip, but he's also fucked up like I said. Lemme splain.

DMFWI comes and goes. Sometimes you see him for a while, a month or two straight, then maybe you won't see him for few months while he roams around doing God knows what, and I don't really want to fucking know what. He's a privileged motherfucker, going to college, parents paying for everything. I repeat EVERY FUCKING THING. Food, clothing, car, insurance, gas, you name it he gets it, doesn't pay for shit. But for whatever fucking reason he like hates his parents. Whatever. Recently as in last Saturday he came back after about a three month hiatus. Not that I could really give a shit where he crawled out from, but it was good to see he was okay. At least I gave him that. As I mentioned MTG knows him better than me, I don't have a problem with that. When he showed up last weekend she talked to him for a while, and told me on the way home she was kinda worried about him. He's got drinking issues among other things she told me. At that time I was thinking poor guy he really needs help. MTG agreed, but she said damned if she was going to be the one to help him. No, no, she didn't want anything really to do with him if she could help it. Which surprised me cause she just said he needed help.

Jump ahead to this weekend. Saturday morning, I was out with some friends of mine. It was just us boys, making plans for some breakie, having some laughs. No biggie. Anyways, a mobile call and quick arrangement later he ends up with us. Whatever. My friend is driving and we head back to pick him up. None of us "really" know this fuck, but okay he can come with. We pick him up and we make small talk. He's acting all..I dunno dumb-fuck.

Me: So...how are your parents doing? (I've met them before nice folks really, very kind)

Him: How should I know?

My friend (1): What do you mean you don't know?

Him: I dunno, haven't talked to them.

Me: Alright...

We change the subject, asking him about school and stuff. Just shooting the shit. My friend knows him a little more than I do. He asks him about some girl that he apparently had been into. He gives some lame answers and most of the time just doesn't answer or shakes his head and says "No" to questions he won't answer. In fact I got tired of his crap and just stopped talking altogether. My friend though is a big talker and just tried to keep the conversation going. But he said something DMFWI didn't like and a little argument ensued. Fortunately then another friend of ours called and it cooled things off and we picked him up.

We ended up at a taco place which was our original goal. We sat down, ordered no biggie. We talked; him interjecting mindless shit every now and again. My other friend (2) whom we picked up last asked him.

Other friend: So who do you hang out with? Not like we see you around much.

DMFWI: Just people.

Other friend: Do you even have friends?

DMFWI: Yeah

All of us: Who?

DMFWI rattles off a few names. MTG is on the list, I take keen interest in this.

Friend (2): Who would you say is your best friend that your closest too?

DMFWI: MTG

I'm thinking "WTF?" I'm seconds from telling him, "Look here motherfucker, I know you two rarely if ever talk. And for a fact she really doesn't want anything to do with you and your drama." But just then waitress came with our food. Friend (2) sees me that I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, Superfly T.N.T., The Guns of Fucking Navarone, I came with in seconds of ending his shit and re-enacting the scene from Layercake when one of the characters damn nears beats another character damn near to death in a coffee shop with his fists a plate of food and boiling pot of tea. I should say that he was also talking shit too besides the MTG info. Just the MTG info put it over the top. After the end of breakie, and dropping him off we decided never to allow this shmuck in our group again.

FFWD to Saturday night. MTG and I are invited to another friend of mines party. We weren't together as we had things to do so I arrived first. I pull up and get out of my car. Who should be standing on the edge of the balcony waving at me like a good friend? DMFWI. My blood pressure just spiked. As I'm climbing the stairs I'm just thinking "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fucking fuckity fuck." Upon my entrance asides from my friend our host, DMFWI was the first to greet me. I walk out on the balcony, DMFWI follows. I make small talk, just "Hello, how are you?".

We go inside. I immediately head for the drinks. Yay!! Wine!! Thank God for small favors. One of the other guests uses my friends wine opener on the first bottle. Pop!! The cork is still in the bottle, but the handle to the cork-screw came off. I'm thinking, "Shit open damn you!! Open!!" I quickly go to my car and get a pair of vice grips to pull the remaining cork-screw and cork out. I got it. The wine was the nastiest shit I've ever had. Dry as hell, and obviously been sitting there forever. I drink it saying "Mmmm..nasty." So our host doesn't feel bad. The other guest who opened the bottle originally looks at me and we think the same thing. "Ick!!" We hastily open a bottle of V8 Tropical Splash and pour it into our wine glasses to make it palatable. I then promptly swallow it down like a bad shot of tequila and switch to water. I should say my friend is single and shares the apt with his brother and room mate, and they just moved in and only have a couch, two dinner tables and a gigantic TV, and a few chairs. No utensils at all in the kitchen. Fortunately other guests bring stuff so it all gets done. I wait for MTG and find a small niche for myself between a wall and table that can barely fit in the kitchen by the window. I sit out of the way watching. MTG called to confirm she's coming after earlier telling me she didn't feel like going.

MTG's friend comes and sits with me and then MTG and her sister show up and sit with me in our little niche as well. Then who should start trying to impress MTG, but none other than DMFWI. I'm not talking paying compliments, but all out flirting, with me sitting right besides her. It's not like a conversation that friendly, no, no this motherfucker is laying it on. Literally taking out his mobile to take who knows how many pictures of her, trying to reach over and hold her hand or touch her, asking her to go with him to have a drink, then inviting her to go to a movie with him right after the party, then typing messages to her on his phone and sliding it across the table for her to read, which all responses were "No". Her response to the going out to drink, as polite and as tactful as possible.

MTG: I have a better idea, why don't you stop drinking for a week. One week, let's see if you can make it. I'll do it with you.

DMFWI just laughs it off.

DMFWI: I have today's been a week.

MTG: Yeah right.

DMFWI continues flirting. I try to get up to get some air as by this point I'm just about ready to reach out and crush DMFWI's larynx but another one of MTG's friends that came to sit with us literally stops me from getting up, and tells me to sit down were I am. Separating anyway for DMFWI to get around the table to MTG. DMFWI never even notices this as he's fixated on MTG.

MTG is looking at him back and just keeps saying, "No", or "Try for just one week, to stop". But he keeps flirting. I get tired of his shit and out of no where I start saying, while I had sub-consciencely pulled out my pocket knife, which was extra long:

Me: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

This gets DMFWI attention.

Me: Oh I'm sorry did I break your concentration?

DMFWI says nothing.

Me: Did I break your concentration?

DMFWI: What?

He so set himself up for this next part, and how honestly can I say that I could use a movie quote damn near word for word for a good purpose.

Me: What country are you from?

DMFWI: What?

Me: What ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in what?

DMFWI: What?

Me: ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER!! DO YOU SPEAK IT?

I should say that the TV was so loud no one but those around the table could hear me scream.

DMFWI: Yeah, yeah, I speak it.

Me: So tell me something, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ASKING MY FIANCEE OUT?

DMFWI: No..wait...what??

Me: Say what again motherfucker!! I double dog dare your ass!!

I did something from an old evil me I haven't done since some crazy gypsy days of long ago. I slammed my knife into the table leaving it standing straight up. I was shaking in fury.

DMFWI stood up.

DMFWI: I should get going, it's late.

MTG: Bye (said in a get lost manner)

DMFWI turns to walk away.

Me: One more thing, you ever pull this kind of shit to MTG or bother any other one of these girls with shit like this again....I'll cut your fucking balls you off. (Said while forcefully pulling my knife out off the table) Don't let me see your face again you fucking fuck.

DMFWI left. I felt so bad for what I did, how I acted. I apologized to everyone seated there, and after a few minutes when I saw DMFWI's car leave I got up to leave as well. Only to be told to sit down and relax again by MTG's friend.

Me: I'm so sorry. I completely lost myself, I should never have acted in that way. (I turn and say to everyone at the table again)

MTG's friend turns to me and says. "You rock!!"

MTG: I've never seen you get so mad. And best of all you totally stood up for me. I don't think I've ever had someone fight for my honor like that.

Me: I shouldn't have to do that though, it's not right.

MTG moves over and fixes my hair which I managed to mess up during my yelling fit. She put her arms around my neck and hugs me.

MTG: Thank you.

Me: So if someone flirts like that with me you're going to do the same thing right? (I say jokingly, getting everyone at the table to laugh)

MTG kisses my cheek and looks at her sister. "Give me a knife" she says jokingly.

Things that made me smile today

Currently Crushing on this song: 

Everything But the Girl vs. Noel Sanger "Wrong Perfection"

Still looking for this as an individual MP3.  Anyone know where to find it?

What I've Learned

When MTG says..

"It's cold in here" it means....
Turn on the heater

"I can't wear my open toe shoes with these outfits, its too cold." It means....
I need more shoes.

The correct response I learned quickly to the above statement.....
"Well I'll just have to take you to get new shoes."

So much to learn.