Thursday, January 31, 2008

5 1/2 Inch Nostalgia

BRRRRRRR!!!!!! Click Click Click!! Clunk!! Put put put put!!! Bamf!!

Any of these sounds, sound familiar? Maybe. Do you remember what I'm talking about? Maybe this image rings a bell.

Ah yes, now you remember dear readers. The old floppy drive computer. For you readers that were too young to remember these beasts and the fun they were, this is what started the whole modern desktop era. No no hard drive, a few bytes of memory. Enough to play the Oregon Trail. Oh and you had to run everything of DOS.

Insert disk 1, disk 2, disk 3 and so on.


Remember your file extensions? I don't. Why do I bring this up then? Well I was clearing out a bunch of junk from the garage. Boxes of stuff I've cluttered away through years of constant gypsy movement. One of these things happens to be my old Packard Bell computer my parents bought me. Well they bought from my uncle, well, was actually given in payment for services rendered from my uncle, but that's another story.

I took out the old PC and curious critter that I am wanted to see if it still worked. I put it together, and the beast awoke from its....I'd say 18 year slumber. DOS appeared. Ah my old nemesis, how I still despise the to this day. I dug through my floppies. A few games, operating programs that to this day can't figure out what on earth they were for if anything. I plugged in my old dot matrix printer. Again for those of you young ones who don't remember, these printers had typewriter like ribbons that you installed to print. And the paper was in reams that had to fit into a track. It was a bitch getting reports to print out right, and all hell broke loose when a paper jam occurred. But it still all worked. I printed out an old report from middle school and tore off the perforated track edges, leaving beautiful fuzzy edges. Ah memories.

Next I played an old Bugs Bunny game my parents bought me. I thought it was the coolest thing ever back then. I play it now and it's like playing Atari. Fun but slow. Unfortunately this PC was just before Windows so I never had the disks to install it. But it lives. The lights turn on, it moans, it creeks, it coughs, it screams, It's Alive!! Alive!!! So many floppies clutter a couple of boxes. I really need to throw them away. I take the beasty apart, placing it back in its cardboard box tomb. I need to find a place to recycle this beast.

I find a box from my next PC when 3 1/2 hard disks came in. I don't even have a hard disk floppy drive on any PC I have anymore. Flash Drives, and portable hard drives, is what I use now. Though looking at the contents of the box carefully I discover I better find one. My last resume I did is on a hard disk. I need to convert it, updated it and place it on a flash drive, cause you just never know.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Sympathy for the Devil

So a devil, and angel, and a ninja walk into a Pizza Hut and place an order. No this isn't a joke. I was the Devil, A.D. was an angel, and a friend of ours was a ninja. Did I mention we were at Pizza Hut? Dressed up like this.

Long story short we were invited to a costume party by a friend of ours. Well they had plenty of snack food and sweets but no real food. So at A.D.'s, craving for pizza we left to the Pizza Hut down the street to pick up some pie for the party. We arrived got out of the car, and walked in. People of course stopping to stare at us as we walked in.

Now it's odd though, we walk in and order. The clerk says nothing. A lady was standing behind us, looking at us, but said nothing. Some other customers where there but said nothing. I sat on the bench while A.D. and our friend were trying to win a stuffed animal from the crane machine. The lady that was behind us sat next to me. I could see her glancing out the corner of her eye at us, but she said nothing. The clerk behind the register was looking at us but said nothing still. Finally a little girl came up to me and asked:

Little Girl: Why are you dressed up like that? Are you bad?

Me: Only on certain nights.

Little Girl: Really?

Me: You'll learn when you get older.

Little Girl: Can I see your horns?

I took off my horns and placed them on her head.

Little Girl: Hissss!!! (turning to the lady next to me)

Me: Okay, I need those back now cutie.

Little Girl: Thanks.

Me: Bye.

Finally the lady next to me spoke.

Lady: So what's with the costumes?

Me: We're at a costume party and just came to get some food.

Lady: Oh. Uhm, so why is he dressed up as an angel? (Pointing to A.D., who was pointing at which stuffed toy was easier to pick up from the machine, to our friend the ninja)

Me: I think he just got lazy and put on whatever he found.

Lady: Typical.

Lady: (Speaking to clerk) Doesn't this surprise you?

Clerk: Nah. We get Indian people and stuff in here that are dressed in all sorts of weird stuff. This is pretty tame.

Me thinking, "Great now I feel so mundane."

Just then A.D. and our friend the ninja, start yelling and hopping up and down. They were able to get a pair of fuzzy dice out of the machine. Boys are so easy to please.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

After all that, it's come to this

Brrrrriiiiiinnnnnngggggg!!!! I get up from bed, and head towards the laundry, placing my book on my pillow as I get up. MTG stays lying down flipping through channels on the telly. I like this dryer, it sounds much nicer than the awful buzz alarm that my last one had. Picking up the green over-sized laundry basket, I grab a Bounce sheet and use it to wipe away all the dust that's been collecting in it.

It's been almost two full weeks since I've been home. There's a hell of a lot of laundry to do. Thankfully this is the last load. I've been doing laundry ever since I got home from work. Coming home after a trip is always nice. It's nice to sleep in your own bed again, take a shower in your own bath, lounge around on your own couch. There's no place like home.

I scoop out the clothes and put them in the basket. I turn the dryer drum around a few times to make sure there are no rouge socks or undies trying to hide. While I'm at it I clean out the lint trap so I won't have to worry about it next time. I giant ball of fuzz comes out with the lint net, particles flying in different directions making me sneeze. Pushing down the clothes in the basket so they won't fall out, I walk back to the bed room and dump them all on the foot of the bed. MTG is still watching TV, looking extremely tired. It's only 6:30. I begin folding clothes. I never really thought that I would be folding a woman's clothes along with mine, yet here I am folding my clothes along with MTG's. Though to be honest I'm not quite sure how to fold some of MTG's clothes. I swear some women's clothing needs to come with instructions for men so we know how to fold them. After I while I give up and fold it into a neat ball. MTG looks at me and giggles, and reaches for the item and shows me how to fold it. It's good to hear her laugh. It's been almost a week since she's been calm and feeling good enough to giggle.

I continue folding clothes, not paying attention to what MTG has on the telly. I hear something odd that she's watching but I don't pay attention. The mound of clothes has my full attention and I intend to finish folding it all and putting it away. Suddenly without reason MTG starts laughing uncontrollably. I stare at her puzzled, wondering if it's something I did. She's turning bright red she's laughing so hard. Finally she points at the TV. I turn around, she's watching Cinemax, well one of them anyway, the complete package system has like 20 of them. She has it on one of those semi-erotic Cinemax shows. You know the ones where all they show is the ladies boobs and the guys butt and that's the amount of nudity you see. Yeah that. The guy is making this weird face and flailing his head all over the place. It looks like he's going into shock or having an epileptic seizure, it looks so ridiculous. I look back at MTG and roll my eyes, throwing a pair of socks at her.

Me: Grow up.

MTG: (laughing) Look at him! He's looks like his head is going to fall off the way he's rolling it all over the place.

Me: You know those shows, all about keeping it real. Maybe I should try moving my head like that sometime. What do you think?

MTG laughs even harder.

MTG: If you do that, I'd just have to stop you right then and there. I don't want you having a seizure on me.

I turn around and watch. Both of the actors (I guess you can call them that) look ridiculous. Fake bodies, fake love, fake everything. And the music is awful.

MTG: Look at them, no sweat no nothing.

Me: Geeze, that guys been waxed all over, there's not a hair on him.

I can't help but think how it must of hurt like hell to have the hair taken off his bum. Ouch!! MTG keeps laughing and finally changes the channel. She ends up putting it on HGTV. (Which I'll admit is my favorite channel. I dunno why. I might have point taken off my man license for admitting that though.) After a few minutes MTG puts it on the Travel Channel (My second fav.) A program on what not to do on cruises is playing. MTG is fading fast, exhausted from all the events of earlier this week and last. Her eyes start to slowly close, and she slowly starts sliding down from the headboard where she is leaning against. She pulls her legs toward her and wraps her arms around them. I leave for a moment to grab some hangers from the laundry room. When I come back she's still sitting like that, with her head on her knees.

MTG: I just came from vacation right? I'm rested right?

Me: Yes you did. You had a wonderful time.

MTG: Then why doesn't it feel like it?

I put the jeans I'm hanging up down for a minute and scoot next to her.

Me: Because unexpected circumstances happened. And you handled it superbly.

MTG: (softly) yeah....?

Me: Yeah

MTG slowly stretches out more sliding down further in the bed. I go back to hanging up the jeans. I start folding more clothes again. A few minutes later, I hear MTG snoring softly. I turn the volume down on the TV so you can barely hear it. She's fallen asleep on top of her cover so I get mine and place it over her. Another 30 minutes later, I finally finish folding everything.

It's barely 8 pm, and there's still too early to sleep. I head downstairs to clean up. The kitchen is already clean though. I place a mix CD I made on the player in the kitchen and turn it low so I don't wake up MTG. Sia's "I Go to Sleep" plays hauntingly yet beautifully from the speakers.

I have a loaf of brioche bread that I need to use before it goes bad, along with some fruit that I have. I decide to make bread pudding with caramelized winter fruit so the bread and fruit doesn't go bad. I follow a recipe I got off the Washington Post website. Per the instructions I cut the crusts from the bread leaving the top crust intact. I beat the eggs, sugar and salt, orange-flower water, (can you believe I had that?), vanilla extract (real vanilla extract in the bottle from Mexico, trust me buy the real stuff you'll never go back), I make a custard. I dip the bread in the mixture, and put it in the baking sheet. I place a large pan in the pre-heated oven and then the one with the bread inside it and pour water into the large pan. I leave it alone and start the fruit.

I follow the directions and place the orange-water, lemon juice, candied orange peel, brandy and raisins in a bowl too mix. I then cut up the various fruits that I have around, pretty much using what I have since I don't have a whole lot or in some cases any of what the recipe calls for. Apples, Pears, strawberries, a few raspberries, go into my mix. I place the fruit in a large skillet already coated with butter, and cook the fruit. A follow the instructions and add sugar and the raisin, brandy, orange water mixture a few minutes later, reducing the concoction down, then putting a large splash more of brandy in causing a glorious blue flame. Ok so the recipe said a few teaspoons, but rules are made to be broken, especially when it comes to brandy. I reduce it all down till everything is a light brown caramelized mass of gooey deliciousness. I set it aside and cover it up. I check on the bread, it still needs another 20 mintues or so.

I decide to clean up the living room some. Mostly dusting. I take my time, picking up this and that and cleaning up the dust bunnies. MTG left her purse on the coffee table, with her keys and other stuff. I pick it up to dust under it, not paying attention to it really.

Then when I set it down, I notice the pamphlet that she set her keys on by her purse. It reads "Having a Baby". I think I turned white or grayish at some point. I hadn't noticed but the smell of the food had woken MTG up and she was down stairs now. I turned around, pamphlet clutched in hand. She was standing in the kitchen looking at me. I tried to speak but nothing came out. I pointed to the pamphlet and made a sort of cavemanish grunt.

MTG: Open it up.

Inside was a folded up piece of paper, with a lot of stuff on it I didn't understand. But I did understand one part. "PREGNANCY TEST", it said in bold courier letters. RESULTS:...............................

Me: (After folding up the paper and putting the pamphlet back on the coffee table) I need to check by bread pudding. (You can tell I was dazed no?)

I checked the bread pudding, it was ready. I set it on the stove top to rest. I reheated the fruit again just to warm it.

MTG: I did one of those home tests but it didn't work so I decided to go to the doctor and check just in case. It just ended up being something else.

Me: okay (barely audible)

MTG: I just wanted to be sure before I said anything.

Me: You could have told me something, I would have liked to have known.

MTG: So you're not mad?

Me: I'm stunned, is all. My life passed before my eyes.

I cut the bread pudding and place a slice on a plate and put the fruit on the side. One plate for me and one for MTG. I sprinkle some powdered sugar on top for effect. It was better than I thought I was capable of, in fact it was amazing.

MTG: (Saying with a mouth full of bread pudding) What do you mean your life passed before your eyes?

Me: (Swallowing hard) Not like, I saw my life past and future. I just pictured your dad's hands around my throat crushing my larynx. Flashing before me in that sort of way.

MTG started laughing hard enough to almost choke. I had put in "Amos the Transparent" in the CD player, and the song "After all that, it's come to this" was playing. (By the way, Amos is awesome, I highly suggest it. Best download in emusic thus far this year.) MTG finished eating and went back to bed. I stayed down stairs and sat on the couch staring into space.

PS: MTG said to say thanks to those who sent her their condolences.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Crazy, Crazy, Life

Sorry for the lack of posts. The trip was wonderful, but we came back to hell. MTG grandma passed away, and there's funeral stuff to attend. Will be back sometime soon. Hope you all are well.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

On Holiday

Off road-trippin' with MTG on the PCH in California. Will be back sometime next week.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

"Officer the cuffs are hurting me"...

Most stories worth listening to end with that line. This one won't. Nyah, nyah!! Fooled ya!! Don't worry about seeking revenge though, I've more than suffered enough these past few days to make up for it.

After my last post I was feeling splendid. Just dandy. Then I went to visit my mum and dad the following day. They were babysitting my nephew for my brother and sister-in-law. My dad had a cold and my nephew had just gotten over some sort of stomach virus. I should've turned around and left. But no I stuck around and later that night, I was crapping, vomiting and sneezing my brains out. Damn it I was sick!! And didn't sleep all night. Literally, I was up at 1:08 am, 2:08 am, 3:08 am, 4:09 am. And of course running a high fever that practically had me hallucinating. Ack!!

MTG, spending as much time as she can with her nana (who's terminal), wasn't there for me to complain to. So basically I spent two day Thurs and Friday laying in bed all day. Every time I got up to walk I'd end up going sideways. Grrrrr!!! And now to make it worse my hips hurt cause I keep falling asleep on my sides without moving. (long story) I felt a little better today so I headed back to my parents house. They were making tamales, I'm not one to pass up free food.

But when I got there fever struck and I ended up sprawled out on the couch barely able to move. Friends of my mum coming and going, walking right past my as I lay there nearly dying. In some cases putting purses on me, (literally on me) to watch for them. So turning on HGTV-HD on and putting the volume to the lowest setting, I lay there awaiting for the Coach de Bauer to come and give me a ride. As things turned out I didn't croak but I ended up just laying there, and as things usually turn out people start talking and one subject leads to another and then that subject invariably leads to you.

Mums Friend: "So I after that little girl embarrassed me, I told my sister from now on you're taking your own child to the doctor."

Mum: "Oh that reminds me of A.D., he always passes out when they stick him with needles."

Me: (Here we go again.)

My mum continuing to tell of all the times I've passed out from needles, syringes to be exact. Yes I am freaked by them. But only when directed at me. To be used by someone else I could care less. It's fight or flight, and since I can't exactly punch a nurse the flight it passing out and forgetting the whole thing. Though I did fight back when I was little, so much so that my mum, dad and anyone else around had to literally hold me or in a rare case strap me down to give me my shots while I screamed bloody murder, like, "Don't kill me!! I thought you loved me!!!" And then when they were done I was like, "Oh that was it?" Although seeing the white scared faces on the kids in the waiting room walking out (after hearing my ordeal) was fun. Muahahahahaha!!!

But the subject quickly changed and it wandered to our old gypsy days, living an a caravan. Like one of these:

Just kidding it was more like:

Ha Ha! Just kidding again, it was more like this, without the fancy add-ons, we at least had the skirting though:

It was memories long since forget, well not forgotten, but not the fondest either. And it got me thinking of when we parked it for a year in a caravan retirement park. Right on the edge across from an empty lot, and abandoned house that drunks, druggies, and all manner of vile creatures (human to be exact) would use during the night. Oh and to make it better right across the street to the corner diagonal to my room was the skankiest nude bar in town (since shut down). Although when your 12 with a new telescope, well you get the picture, but lets just say after a couple of looks it wasn't worth it. Like if you've ever seen The Cowboys where the two boys are talking about a whore house they peaked into and one says, "and that ladies bellybutton was as big as my fist" and John Wayne comes up behind him and says, "yeah I've been there myself years ago, probably the same lady" and the boys both look like hacking, yup, just like that. Besides that fatal drunken accidents, and nightly shootings were everyday happenings. Though a bullet through your room while you sleep is another thing. (It's bad enough crooks can't read addresses at night but when you have to yell at them through your window that the house they want to shoot at is next door, well that's just sad. Getting the "Ops..Sorry" was worse.)

Now seeing that there was a dark evil abandoned house across the street directly outside my room, you might think that I'd be scared. I was at first but with the telescope I'd get brave and see what was happening at night. Just average ghetto banter, druggies, drunks, homeless, prostitutes, people driving up and dropping off old trash, couches, ice boxes, etc, then driving off. But it was fun when some dummy disturbed the natural widlife that inhabited the house that really made watching worth while. Nothing like seeing a couple of crack heads run for their lives while being chased by rabid raccoons or freaky possums or how can I forget the guy gettting ready to get his thing on while his newly hired "woman" and then hitting the giant hornets nest and running out of the house with welts on his bum. This was actually in broad daylight. Needless to say we didn't spend long in that area.

So I thought about these things while lying there. Finally passing out and waking up sometime later, not even hungry and going home instead. So you may ask why on earth am I blogging about this at 12:56 am? Well here's why.

MTG: Oww!! What the? (digging under her blanket and pulling out a rubik's cube)

Me: Opps sorry I left that there.

MTG getting up and finding more stuff. Three remotes, a couple of books a magazine, Playstation wireless controler, mp3 player, cd player, box of tissue, headphones, several CD's, lint roller, and I think some change.

MTG: I've been gone for two days and you put all your stuff on my side of the bed?

Me: (saying jokingly of course) Last time I checked it was all my bed. (Thinking again: Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!!!)

MTG without hesitation dropped an elbow into my gut. Then proceeded to place all my junk on top of me.

Me: What happened to the nice "get better sweetie, and think of me" you said yesterday?

MTG: That was before you said something stupid.

Me: I'm sorry. I'll stop saying stupid things.

MTG just looking at me.

Me: Most stupid things anyways.

Me lying there with stuff on me, rattling with every move. Staring at the ceiling. Sneezing, obviously keeping MTG awake.

Me: I can't sleep.

MTG: Well go do something that'll make you sleep.

And here we are. "Officer the cuffs are hurting me..."

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Pickles are Cucumbers Soaked in Evil

Wow what a rush. X-mas, New Years. Although my title has nothing to do with this post. Well one part but that's to come. Hope you all had a wonderful holiday time. Now I'm not going to post about all the wonderful (and not so wonderful/manicure set, tape measure..I got from a client at work) swag I got. I won't even post about my graduation/New Years party, because it went so well, that there is nothing much to say, other than it felt great to be DJ for the night again.

I will dear readers post about what I found this past year and this year to come is most important to me. My family and my friends and most importantly the most important person to me right now MTG. (I know some of you are rolling your eyes.) First of all I promise to make sure to keep up more fully with my family and friends. Mum, I'll call every two days instead of every three or four. (Though mum you have to give me bonus points for buying you the furniture you wanted) And I'll make sure to finally answer my friends emails and texts. That is if they are actually important. You can only read so many wacky forwarded emails and videos. So you can stop sending me that one "One Week of Food: Study" email, as I've gotten it about 12 different times. I ate like a pig these few weeks, so don't remind me daily.

But on to the most important thing for me. Yes I'm going to gush over MTG so if you don't like the mushy stuff leave now or be warned.

As I woke up this morning, I felt an odd sensation. I opened my eyes and realized that I was next to a person whom this past year has utterly changed my life completely. Looking at this sleeping person, her dark brown hair strewn across her face, the curve of her neck and shoulder blending seamlessly into the cover we were sharing, I couldn't help but feel amazed. Why you may ask? Well here is a snippet as to why.

December 24 - A mutual friend of ours X-mas party. Well more MTG's friend than mine but whatever.

We were invited to this party a few weeks before. However rushing to do things one does on X-mas eve, we arrived a little late. Having no idea who else was to be invited we both arrived without any pre-set plans on "if so and so is there, we do this signal to leave." (It's a long story) So of course as things would have it we arrive and the dinners already being served, and who should be there but a couple of people we would never want to see again. (Okay, I would never want to see again. Namely The-Ex and Arch-nemesis Supreme, now Mr. & Mrs. Arch-nemesis Supreme) And as things would have it the only seats at the table available were...yeah right next to them. Blast!!

MTG: Do you want me to sit by Arch-nemesis or The-Ex? (They were sitting across [in front] from each other as opposed from next to each other)

Me: Sit by Arch-nemesis, so I won't have to punch him.

MTG: Okay.

Now MTG met both of these people only once before. So to her...well you'll find out.

We sit down and I have my best faux smile on. The-Ex immediately starts talking to me. What I used to find charming I know see (as did most everyone else there, trust me I asked) as utter useless crap coming form her mouth. Unoriginal, dumb things, words floating in the air. I nodded and answered only when things seemed appropriate to, making conversation with others around me.

The-Ex: Can you believe Arch-nemesis and I have been married for over 2 years now?

Me: Wow really? That long? (Thinking after I spoke..Nuts!! I should've kept my mouth shut)

The-Ex: Yeah we have. (Reaching across the table and grabbing Arch-nemesis hand) You remember the wedding don't you?

Me: No I don't. I didn't go remember. (At this point even our host was thinking this was utter crap. Yes, he told me so later.)

The-Ex: Oh yeah.

Now you're probably wondering why up to this point why Arch-nemesis hasn't said anything yet. Well it's because he's a kid. Okay not a kid but The-Ex is 32...he is 24. He has nothing intelligent to say. If you talked to him you would see this right away. It's always about him and how he looks and what he wants is the depth of his conversation. (Which is not why he's Arch-nemesis Supreme, that's a story for another time) However this age difference was exploited to MTG's advantage as The-Ex was trying to make me jealous and I was starting to cringe.

MTG to Arch-nemesis: Hey, Christmas in Hollis, I love this song. (MTG throwing her hands in the air and most of the table singing to the song.)

MTG to Arch-nemesis: Hey remember when this song came out on MTV? With that funky looking elf guy at the beginning? That was what, in 1987?

Arch-nemesis: Uh...yeah

MTG: You know when he's pressing the Simon. You remember the Simon right?

Arch-nemesis: Yeah, kinda sorta. I don't think we had that in school.

MTG: What do you mean, in school? How old are you?

Arch-nemesis: 24

MTG: were just a baby still. That's okay, the Simon is like Guitar Hero, you just hit the buttons in the same order/colour that appears.

Arch-nemesis: Oh..okay...yeah.

The-Ex looking for a way to change the subject, picks up a pickle from her salad and says, "Pickles are cucumbers soaked in evil. Why do they make these pickles so small?"

MTG: Well some people like "young" things I guess, instead of finding a pickle more mature.

Ex looking like someone just dumped iced water on her was frozen. I did my best to keep myself from laughing as did a few others.

The night progressed and we did our best to avoid Mr. and Mrs. Arch-nemesis for the rest of the night. Then for whatever reason our hosts' Ipod flipped from X-mas music to regular music. Otis Redding's "Dreams to Remember". And MTG wanted to dance to it. So we danced, close and slow. MTG moving us right underneath the mistletoe which happened to be a few feet away from Mr. and Mrs. Arch-nemesis. So well you know what you do when under the mistletoe.

So we left right after that. Well almost right after, our host giving us a ton of extra food to take home. Which reminds me I must clean the ice-box tomorrow and throw a bunch of that stuff away.

I replayed that night in my mind this morning laying in bed next to her. MTG's eyes now opened looking back at me.

Me: Did I thank you for the other night?

MTG: What?

Me: At the party.

MTG: Which one?

Me: Never mind.

MTG moves right next to me, both of us staring at the ceiling fan go around in circles.

MTG: Instead of boxing up the mistletoe, maybe we should hang it over the bed all year.

Me: Good idea.